Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
