well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
