it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
