I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
