oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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