where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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