girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize