So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
