Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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