have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Randomize
