hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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