I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
