dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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