It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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