I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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