She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
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