there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
