And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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