She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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