Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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