Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
