he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
