I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
