hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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