my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
