im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
