this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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