If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
