One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
