Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
