Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
