Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
