i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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