tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We are all done wearing pants today
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
