So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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