My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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