you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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