I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You pole danced in your parka.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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