he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
