I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
