Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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