if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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