I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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