Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist