He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich