You can't motorboat a personality
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.