I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?