im holly from the hills drunk
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize