one might say we're banned from that church
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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