90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Im part way to drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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