yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
