how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
