You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize