Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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