sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
