He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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