My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
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I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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