after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
