Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
