I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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